So, our meeting today was awesome and really got me thinking. I have to figure out why I am such an emotional eater and why I do the things I do. I had a wonderful childhood with great parents. I was an athlete, so very fit. I didn't have to worry about food, but was also given the example of eating healthy. When I went to college, I stopped playing sports and was very social. I always joked about getting the "beer belly" and "breadstick butt." College was such a great part of my life, and I wouldn't change it for the world. I still have my best friends from college and met my husband then. I look back now at those pictures when I thought I was so fat and realize that I looked good!
After college, I focused on my teaching career, my relationship with my now husband, and everyone else. I'm the type of person who loves to help others. I kept putting on the weight and then started having kids. I did loose some weight after having my two boys, which was great. Then I had the two girls, which brought me back to square one. So, now that I'm done having kids, I'm really focusing on myself and becoming a healthier person who is a good role model for my kids.
Before this program started, I already realized that I put everyone else first. I stay at home with my four kids, my husband travels, and I try to take care of everyone, including my mom and sister. My dad passed away 9 years ago and since then, I feel responsible to take care of my sister and especially my mom. I may have something that I need to do, but if they need me, I'm there right away. So, my responsibilities are pushed back, which stresses me out and leads me to eat unhealthy and not workout. My husband has really encouraged me to not worry about everyone else and that they will be fine, but I just can't.
I have started saying NO to people since the beginning of the year, which has been really hard. I keep saying that it is the year for me and the year for saying NO! I like to be involved at my boys' school and help, but I've realized that I can't do it all. I've started telling myself that my kids can survive at Kidz Depot, with a sitter, or with me at the gym while I get my workout in. I've started saying no to my mom and sister, but that hasn't been easy either. My sister and I got into a fight this week because she said I don't have time for her anymore, which made me very upset. We worked it out, but I still don't think she understands what I'm trying to do for myself.
So, after today's class, I left with many thoughts and was emotional. I didn't go home and eat though, which is huge! Instead, I started typing this blog. I'm very proud of myself for not eating, but I still wonder how I'm going to continue to stay strong and put myself first. For now, I'm going to just take it one day at a time and sometimes one minute at a time!